


Bit By Bit

by Ermmmmmm



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-13 09:26:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4516569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ermmmmmm/pseuds/Ermmmmmm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron agrees to reconcile with Robert after the wedding disaster. However, Aaron still doesn't feel ready to go back into a relationship, so Robert has a lot to do to redeem himself and win Aaron back. A selection of ficlets linked together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. August

**Author's Note:**

> This will be a series of small standalone fics that also all amount together to map Robert's redemption and the rekindling of their relationship. Expect fluff and difficulties!

“Thanks for the lift,” Robert smiled weakly as he got out of Aaron’s car, mood heavy and somber after the service. It had been a lovely service, as unique as Val herself. Everyone wore colourful dresses and suits, there had been a lot of laughter and food and some great stories. Diane had laughed almost as much at the wake as she had sobbed during the eulogy. Aaron thought that Val would have for once been lost for words at the service, particularly considering her troubles over the last couple of weeks making her Public Enemy No 1. But now having left the service behind and left with his own thoughts, Aaron felt heavy with grief that he would never see Val again, her one-off character extinguished forever. He shuddered at how fragile life was.

Still estranged from both the Whites and his own family, Robert had wanted to go to the funeral and the wake, but couldn't get the transport. The service was taken place at a crematorium instead of at the church, which was out of the village itself. Aaron had heard the row between Robert and Andy, and had taken pity on him by giving him a lift when Diane had reluctantly refused a lift with them. It wasn't like it meant anything – it was just helping out someone who wanted to grieve; she was his step-aunt after all.

“No problem,” Aaron mumbled as he loosened his tie and threw his car keys on the table whilst walking into the living room of the Woolpack. Pouring himself a glass of water, he flopped on the sofa and sighed. Today was over. He could breathe again, try and forget the agony of last week. He heard the floorboard creek and he turned to see Robert’s bashful smiling face at the doorframe. “You still here?”, Aaron sighed again.

“Aaron, please can we talk?”, Robert didn't take no for an answer and sat down in the armchair. “Things have happened this week which have made me realise more than ever that I need to be honest about how I feel”.

Aaron took a sip of water as he thought about what to say. “The fact that I almost died in an accident doesn't change what you did to me and my family, Robert”. As much as he had wished he had the strength to do so, he still wasn't able to look Robert directly in the eye as he spoke; he was only able to look at the floor, torn between rationality and love.

“No, it doesn't,” Robert admitted slowly, his eyes glazing over in shame. “I wish I could go back to every time I hurt anyone you loved and do it differently, but I can't. I can only change the future, and I want to do anything I can to let you trust me again”.

“But what happens if that would be completely stupid?” Aaron threw back, a little more harshly than before. “What if being with you is completely unhealthy for me? What if it's dangerous for everyone else? It's you you you again, Robert, all about you winning me back! It's never about me getting on with my life and feeling good about myself!”

“And I know that you have a lot to get over, Aaron”, Robert was starting to fidget desperately in his seat, his palms sweating, his tear ducts welling up. “But I can't help looking at you and wanting to make everything better! I want to hold you and protect you and look after you! Everything pales into insignificance without you keeping me sane, Aaron…”

Aaron stared into his glass pensively, swilling the water round and round like the thoughts in his battered mind.

“I’d even settle for being just friends with you…I know you said that you never loved me, so, I guess that's all I hope fo-“

“Of course I fucking loved you, you wanker!”, Aaron spat, his gaze snapping from the floor straight into Robert’s eyes, burning with anger and love. “Do you really think I would have covered for you about Katie, kept quiet about the affair that long, forgiven all of your shitty schemes and cover ups if I wasn't absolutely fucking head over heels in love with you?”

“But you said…,” Robert spluttered, his mouth moving without sound accompanying his shock.

“I know what I fucking said, Robert,” Aaron interrupted sharply. “But you had a gun at my head and told me the truth about Katie, so I wasn't exactly singing your praises off the fucking roof!”

“So you do feel the same way…?”, Robert whispered, events seemingly taking place too fast for him to understand.

“Yes…yes, Robert,” Aaron calmed down, his hands shaking, spilling water down the side of the glass onto the carpet. “I loved you when you came to comfort me when Cain was in hospital…you held me in your arms…I felt so fucking safe from all of the shit outside those four walls…you were the only thing staying the same when everything outside was changing so much…”

“Aaron…”, Robert began, edging closer in his seat, but Aaron moved away, sniffling as a stray tear ran down his cheek in defiance.

“Robert, this still doesn't mean we should get together properly,” Aaron mumbled, setting his glass to rub the tears away with the back of his hand, still shaking with the weight of memory and guilt. “This doesn't mean that we’re healthy for each other, or that we won't do this all again now Chrissie has left you for good”.

“But we’ve never had the chance to be normal, Aaron”, Robert pleaded gently. “Give us the chance to see what we’re like when we have no pressure, we can just be you and me. Remember that week at Home Farm…? It was amazing, it was like we were a proper couple living together…we can do this…please, Aaron…”

“I don't know, Robert”, Aaron confessed. “I have a lot of shit in my head to sort out, and you have to try and get things back on track with your family…if we went all in now, we’d still end up just as fucked up as we are now”.

“Then I'll wait, Aaron, I'll wait forever for you”, Robert whispered, managing to make eye contact himself for the first time. Aaron could see straight into Robert’s clouded eyes, masking pain, grief, and desperation when everything he had loved wanted to turn against him.

Aaron grimaced slightly, feeling upset that Robert had no one to rely on anymore. “We can't do this right now, Robert,” Aaron stated softly, Robert’s eyes falling as he heard each dooming word. “But,” Aaron added, causing Robert to snap his gaze back at Aaron, “let’s see where this goes. If we go bit by bit, regaining trust, you getting back into people’s good books, letting our friendship develop…we’ll see how it goes. If we still feel the same and I trust you again, then we’ll see wh-“

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” Robert blurted out. “I promise you won't regret it, you can trust me”.

“I hope so,” Aaron muttered as he went to stand up. Looking down, he sighed slightly in thought. Slowly, he looked back up at Robert, who had also gone to stand, and Aaron held his arms out slightly. Robert knew exactly what this meant; he edged forward slowly and outstretched his arms, taking his torso and holding him close to his chest. Aaron sighed and relaxed, wrapping his arms around Robert, breathing in his comforting aftershave and that particular smell of washing detergent on Robert’s shirt that he always made him think of his blond ex-lover when he smelt it. He smiled slightly, overcome with memories and security and warmth. Although it was early days yet, he was still grateful that Robert was at his side today, to make him feel like he wasn't facing the world alone. And regardless of what label their relationship had, Robert was going to be there. They could get their life back, and the love they deserved back. Bit by bit.


	2. September

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the village starts to move on from the accident, some are still struggling with what Robert has done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of the comments and kudos, I really appreciate it! Hope you enjoy this chapter. :)

Summer had dragged its heels in, lasting well into September. The nights were pleasurably long, the leaves were still green, the light Dales breeze bathing the village in warmth. However, whereas once such weather would have been welcomed or even celebrated, this year was not one for celebration. The warmth would knock them into memories of August, the explosions, the crash, the fire. Memories of those they had lost, or were still missing. They longed for winter, for the bad memories to fall away like leaves. To be reborn next spring, to get out the other side. As long as summer continued, so did their dull sense of vulnerability.

Aaron had offered to help out at the garage whilst Debbie focussed on getting better and Ross had gone AWOL, Cain biting his hand off for the help. Aaron was more than happy to help; he had always found tinkering with cars therapeutic, something to focus all his energy on when he needed to escape his own tortuous mind. It also gave him the chance to sort out things with Cain, who had not been right with him since Adam and Vic’s wedding.

“I don’t know owt about tastes in fellas, Aaron, but why ‘im?”, Cain had asked him sat outside the Woolpack during a lazy lunch break. “You knew what he was capable of, and you still stayed with ‘im like a total muppet!”

“’S much more complicated than that,” Aaron mumbled, looking down into his beer.

“No, you were just being a soft-touch as per, mate”, Cain mused, looking out into the high street instead of at Aaron. “You could've gotten out as soon as you found out what a little wankstain he was”.

 _And then who might have been killed after Katie…?_ Keeping his mouth shut, he simply said, “Love fucks you over before you know what you've done”.

“What?” Cain snapped his body round to look at Aaron, almost spilling his beer down his overalls. “You mean you actually loved the little shit?”

“Yeah,” Aaron mumbled, not returning the look and remaining fixed on his glass. “He’s not what you think he is. He does give a shit”.

“Shame about that when he came in shitting on your life then”, Cain wasn't going to be convinced. “I bet he’s come crawling back since his wife dropped him?” When Aaron said nothing, his voice hardened, “Oh, Aaron, you've not gone and given him a second chance?”

“No,” Aaron replied firmly, if a little too quickly. “I told him I've got too much shit on to think about taking on his shit”. “

That wasn't a no, though, was it?”, Cain grimaced, seeing through Aaron’s attempts to dismiss Robert for good. “I promise if he comes near you with big fucking puppy dog eyes, I'll finish what I started with ‘im. You'd better watch yeh back an’ all…” Aaron looked round; Cain had already downed the rest of his beer and was walking backing to the garage. Pouting in thought for a few seconds, he sighed, downed his beer, and followed his uncle back to work.

* * *

The atmosphere was none the less sombre in the Sudgen/Dingle household in the back of the Woolpack. Much to Chas’s well vocalised outrage, Diane had allowed Robert to move in with them after Chrissie had kicked him out of Home Farm. It hadn't made Aaron’s life much easier either, especially when he had told Robert he needed time and space to try and forgive him again, neither of which he got much of. Robert was doing his best, but Diane was determined to keep her eye on him, so had him out of his room as much as possible. Sometimes he’d be helping downstairs in the pub, sometimes he’d be trying to salvage some of his contacts from the Whites. But never out of Aaron’s hair.

The only time Aaron managed to get away from him was at the garage, grateful that he had a place that was almost his own to concentrate on himself. It wasn't as if Robert had been bugging him to get back with him; indeed, he had been uncharacteristically patient with him, seemingly determined to change for Aaron. But through no fault of his own, Robert was suffocating Aaron and he needed space.

He had also been thinking a lot about Paddy since agreeing to reconcile with Robert. As much as he didn't take his advice most of the time, Aaron hated to disappoint him, that he felt like Paddy was ashamed of him. He knew that Paddy just wanted to protect him, especially after the incident at the lodge. But he wanted to be in control of his own relationships and who he wanted to be with and trust. He just couldn't find a way to reconcile the two, and he felt sick without Paddy anchoring him to the ground when all he wanted to do was punch a wall.

He decided that there was no point in talking to Paddy about it yet, especially since he was still recovering from July and enjoying spending time with Rhona and Leo. It wouldn't be fair to dump a load of his troubles onto him when he had to look after himself – Aaron knew that Paddy would sacrifice his own wellbeing for Aaron’s in a heartbeat.

Aaron was less worried about Chas, even though he knew that she’d be the most disappointed and angry with him. Aaron remembered that Chas was never too pleased with Jackson even before the accident that left him paralysed, although Hazel probably never helped. She probably still hadn’t forgiven Ed for dragging him to France either, even though the whole thing was Aaron’s decision entirely, for Adam’s sake. With a score of zero on the boyfriend appreciation front with his mum, he felt safe that she’d still be there for him no matter what happened – however much of a fucking nuisance that turned out to be.

Adam had been strangely silent on the issue, stuck in between his best friend and his wife, both of whom had their own interests in the whole affair. Aaron missed the support that he normally would have had from him; he was someone to keep him on the right track without having to be someone he had to answer to. They could be close without Adam having to tell him off for not picking his pants up off the bathroom floor or for having a takeaway for the fifth night in a row. But now, Adam just shut his mouth when the topic came up in conversation, and they never talked about it at the scrapyard. He wouldn't know how he would react if Robert got back into his life again, which scared him somewhat.

Diane had done her best to try and keep Robert and Aaron apart during mealtimes, not wanting things to escalate again when she was doing her very best to keep her family together – losing Val had made her ever more determined to reform Robert and keep him in the family. It often had caused many a dinner time argument with Andy, followed by door slamming and tears at the tea table. Aaron often managed to avoid it, but when an argument erupted with Andy when Aaron couldn't get away, he could feel Andy’s eyes bore into his back with judgement and anger. Even Diane herself sometimes struggled to put the past behind her talking to Aaron, but he had heard Robert talking about him to her, and she had decided to try and move on.

That arrangement had lasted for about a month or so until one late September evening, when Aaron had come in from a breakdown call out outside Hotten.

“I've made a bit too much of this stew, pet,” Diane called to Aaron whilst at the stove. “Do you wanna sit with us and have your tea?” _I’m not spending an hour being glared at by Andy again_ , he thought, and went to open his mouth. “Don't worry, Andy won't be having dinner with us tonight, you're safe”, Diane added dryly, noticing his hesitation and making the logical conclusion.

“…okay, thanks”, Aaron mumbled. “What time?”

“A couple of minutes, pet”, Diane called again, not looking round. “Can you help us lay the table?”

“Sure”, Aaron replied. He took the stack of mats and cutlery on the worktop and set out four places around the table. “Will…will Robert be there?”

“Yes,” Diane answered sternly. “Now I don't want you two to be causing trouble when we’re eating, but all of these staggered meals are causing havoc in the kitchen and…me and Robert have been talking”.

“Yeah?” Aaron put the cutlery down in its pile to look round at Diane. “Did he tell you what we said?”

“He’s told me a lot, pet”, she raised her eyebrows, the bewilderment written plainly on her face. “And you were an idiot getting involved in the first place! But you already knew that…”

Aaron looked to the floor, slightly embarrassed. Diane was a true matriarch – caring and accepting, but suffered no fools gladly.

“But I also know how he feels about you,” she sighed as she plated up the stew. “I can tell from how much he talks about you now I know about you two. It's ‘when me and Aaron were doing this’ or ‘Aaron always does that’ half the time, pet! There has to be something there”.

“Diane…I can't just get back together with him just like that...”, he started, feeling awkward and not wanting to offend Robert’s stepmum whilst standing up for himself.

“I wasn't going to tell you to, pet”, she looked around from the counter, flashing him a look Aaron couldn't quite decipher. “He’s a handful, and you need to be sure that you can deal with that before you get into a relationship with him. You have to make the right decision for you. But whether or not it's love, he definitely wants you in his life, Aaron, so don't doubt that. And if you decide that you do want to be there, I'll welcome you. You're a good lad at heart, and you care about our Vic as well”.

Aaron looked up shyly and gave a small smile, “Thanks, Diane”.

“No problem, pet”, she smiled. “I think you might have a bit more of a job with your mum, though…”.

Aaron chuckled lightly as he laid the rest of the table, “Yeah”.

“ _Tea!_ ”, shouted Diane as she brought over the plates of stew.

* * *

Tea had started off awkwardly, with Robert opposite Aaron at the dinner table. He could feel Robert’s gaze when Aaron looked down to cut his food, and the rest of the table was silent as they ate.

“Great stew, Diane”, Vic said after a mouthful of potato, looking anxious to break the awkwardness.

“Thanks, pet”, Diane replied. “It's finally time to start breaking out the winter food again now it's starting to get a bit nippier”.

Vic grunted her agreement as she ate another potato, “Yeah, we’ll have to start getting out the winter menu soon down in the pub”.

“Yeah”, Diane placed her cutlery down on her plate as she finished. “Robert, that reminds me – can you help out in the pub tonight? Chas is going out, so we’re one down on a Friday, it's gonna be busy”.

“Sure”, Robert replied as he finished, looking away from Aaron’s general direction for the first time. “When do you need me down?”

“Next half an hour if you could, pet?” Diane called as she took Aaron’s plate and placed it on the draining board. “Could you and Vic do the dishes as well? I need to go down and man the bar”.

“I can't”, Vic interrupted slowly. “I promised Adam I’d go and look at this estate agent thing before work…sorry”.

“Why can’t you just look at the houses that they have free round here?”, Diane argued. “You know they do better rents around here…”

Vic shrugged guiltily as she went to get her bag and left the room. Diane sighed. “Be back before 7!”, she called after Vic as the door went behind her.

“Sorry, Robert, I need to get down to the pub…”

“I’ll help out, Diane, don't worry”, Aaron spoke up, feeling guilty for not having offered before. He hadn't meant to not offer, although he knew it would be awkward with Robert.

“Don’t worry, pet…”, Diane began but Aaron stopped her.

“No, really, it's fine, I'm happy to help”, Aaron moved towards the kitchen as Diane smiled her appreciation and left. “You wash, I dry?”, Aaron motioned to the stack of washing up as he moved towards Robert who had already started scrubbing.

“Sure”, he replied, fixed on cleaning a particularly tough spot on the saucepan. They started to go through the pile in silence, saying thanks when passing a plate or a glass. They started to get into a rhythm, Robert finishing washing just as Aaron had finished drying. He smiled slightly, feeling warmed by their small glimpse of domestic bliss, but said nothing as he focussed on his drying skills.

Suddenly, Robert turned to Aaron, “I don't think I'm getting through to Vic”, he confessed. “She keeps avoiding opportunities for us to be together, and I don't think she trusts me".

Taken aback, he looked down to his hands drying a glass as he thought of what to say. “I think a lot of us are going through that, Robert. We never knew what was true and what wasn't before. She doesn't know that you really care”.

“But I've been trying so hard”, he pressed cluelessly. “Diane’s been really good, and I really thought Vic wanted me around. It's not like she shouts at me or tells me I'm worthless”.

“And you think all her wounds are on the outside?”, Aaron raised his eyebrow. “She’s trying not to upset you, even though you really betrayed her”.

“Since when have you been an expert in reading women’s feelings?”, Robert laughed a little.

“Fuck off”, Aaron gave a stern glare and turned to face the door as he wiped over a plate. “This is serious…and she’s not the only one”.

"What's that supposed to mean?”, Robert barked defensively.

“We’re all a bit like it, Robert! We know you're doing your best, but sometimes we dunno whether you're actually being truthful or not, on your past record!”, Aaron really hadn't wanted to have an argument with Robert, but he couldn't let Robert thinking winning him over was that easy.

“So that's it now?”, Robert shouted as Aaron continued to look away. “You're not gonna trust me ever again because of something I thought you had put behind us?”

“You think it's that fucking easy for me?”, Aaron turned to face him, looking at it him straight in the eye now. “That after a month, everything would be fine, everyone would love you, and I'd be back in your pants again?”

Robert said nothing as he picked up another plate to clean.

Aaron scoffed. “You can stick your washing up up your arse,” he muttered as he slammed the glass on the worktop and left the room, leaving Robert to put his face in his hands in frustration.

* * *

He had come down to the pub to escape Robert by downing a few well needed pints, but had totally forgotten that Robert was due to help out Diane whilst his mum was out. He had a bit of peace from him at the beginning, but soon the blond knobhead came down from upstairs and started helping out his stepmum with the busy pub. He thought he saw Diane’s face contort in noticing Aaron’s anger as he pushed through the entrance to the bar and asked for a drink, but he said nothing, remembering her kind words before.

He didn't even have to look up at Robert to know that he was looking over longingly and guiltily from the bar, and when he did look up to the bar to get more drinks, Robert would look back and smile guiltily, his eyes inciting Aaron to come and kiss the fuck out of him, but Aaron resolutely ignored him, and insisted Diane served him. She raised her eyebrows each time, but sighed as she pulled him another pint, Robert watching over from the till.

It was around ten when Robert took his break; the pub had started to quieten down a little bit, and Vic was back now to help on the bar. As Robert went back upstairs for his break, Diane poured herself a glass of water and walked slowly over to Aaron’s table in the corner.

“Alright, pet, what's he done now?”, he grimaced as she went to sit down in the chair opposite.

“Nothin’, don't worry about it,” Aaron mumbled, not wanting to offend Diane but not wanting to go through it again.

“I will when my stepson is going on another emotional rampage”, she replied, not taking no for an answer.

Aaron huffed heavily, and rolled his eyes. “He asked me why Vic was still struggling with coming to terms with what he’s done, and then he thought we all should have forgiven him by now and be kissing his backside already”.

“Well…what else did you expect, pet?”, Diane replied reluctantly. “He's my stepson and I love him like my own son, but he was always going to think this would be easier than it is. He needs knocking back and being honest, but still letting him improve over time. I do understand, Aaron,” she said as Aaron was about to open his mouth. “He’s been the same to me. You just need to remember him on the good days, when…”

“By heck, it's friggin’ cold out there!”, came an unmistakeable voice from the door on the other side of the pub, stopping Diane in her tracks. “Oh hi love, look it's me!”, Chas waved as she saw her son across the other side of the pub. She wobbled slightly on her heels, betraying her somewhat intoxicated state as she managed to reach his table.

“How was your night?”, Aaron asked quietly, faintly embarrassed that his mum still got drunker than he did some nights.

“Oh it were great, luv, brilliant night”, Chas babbled, going on about her night as Diane tried to laugh in all the right places. Eventually, when she had finished, she cackled, “Right, I'm gonna go up now, I'll see youse in the morning!”

“Night”, Aaron replied, lightly scratching the back of his neck. He looked back down at the table and his glass, but snapped back up again when he heard a ‘Oi! Watch it!” come from the bar.

“Sorry, Chas”, Robert said sheepishly, holding a half empty glass of water with the other half on Chas’ jeans.

“I didn't see you come back –“

“You should have been looking where you were bloody going then”, she retorted, grabbing a tea towel and wiping herself down, her front dripping wet. “What the hell are you even still doing here anyway?”

“I was helping Diane out at the pub, if it's alright with you, I do live here”, a little of the old Robert shone through as he went to put the glass down.

“Pah! Only because she felt sorry for you! Taking advantage of her like that, how could you? But then, when have you ever not been that sort of little rat, eh?”, Chas was getting into her prime, no longer worrying about the water when she had an opportunity to lay into Robert.

“Chas, that's enough!”, Diane was shouting from Aaron’s table.

“No it’s not, it won't ever be enough until he gets out of our lives and away from my son”, she glared at him. “He’s toxic, he’s evil. How could you do this to my son?”, she started sobbing.

“Stop it, Mum!”, Aaron shouted, walking towards the bar, but Chas put her hand out to stop him.

“No, I won't stop until he's gone for good, when everyone knows what a one-of-a-kind prick he really is”, Chas’s tears were melting from drunken anger as she looked directly in Robert’s eyes. “You’ll always be a second-rate son, and no one could ever love someone as poisonous and disgusting and –“

“Mum, fucking stop it!”, Aaron growled, forcing his way in front of his defiant mother. “Yeah, he’s fucked up a million times and he needs to earn our trust, but when you're constantly ripping into him, no wonder he makes the fucking wrong choices! You’ll push him to do shit things because he feels like he has to! Just leave him alone, you're embarrassing yourself”, he left without looking at Chas, Robert, or the silent pub as he marched up the stairs and slammed the door.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this - please kudos and especially comment so I can get some good feedback on how to improve! Thanks for reading :)


End file.
